So sweet and innocent Ch 56

Ville Valo
A girl named Alice
Emily, one of Alice's friends
Jonna, Ville's ex-girlfriend
Mige Amour and wife
Linde and wife


“Ville?” Named man looked up as he heard is name. He was lying on the bed, daydreaming about Alice, remembering their holiday in Lapland, where they had been so happy together.  The singer spotted Jonna leaning against the doorframe, wearing red-laced camis with matching panties, her long black hair hanging loosely around her shoulders. He knew immediately what she was up to and pulled the blanket over his body, mumbling, “I’m not in the mood.” He hadn’t slept with her since Mige had kicked her out of the hotel the day Alice had arrived. Alice…her long, slightly red hair shining like silk, her petite but curvy body so warm under his…He sighed at the memory and glared at Jonna, who was sitting down on the mattress next to him, now, interrupting his thoughts by running her fingers trough his curly hair. He turned his head away from her soft touch and said “Jonna…the doctor said you should rest. So lay down and sleep now.”. The green-eyed woman nestled against his chest and her pale hands found their way under the blanket, seductively she purred in his ear “I’m already lying down…but maybe you could help me relaxing a little?”. He shook his head “It could be harmful for the baby.”. “Oh…come on!”, she growled disappointed “The doctor said I shouldn’t do competitive sports and stuff. Nobody said we aren’t allowed to make love.”. He chuckled bitterly “It wouldn’t be love making either way, so lay down now and sleep.” and with that he shoved her hand away from his groin. The black-haired woman, flinched back,  deeply hurt, her face turned pale and she stood up, leaving towards the guest room, tears welling up in her eyes. Ville sighed, feeling guilty for obviously making her sad and decided to follow her in a few minutes, but first he opened the drawer of his nightstand, pulling out a purple scarf, the only thing Alice had left behind in the water tower, possibly forgotten, and smelled on it, inhaling the sweet peachy scent, noticing deeply sorrowful that it already started to faint. He rubbed the soft fabric over his cheek, and his heart ached once more, so bad it took is breath way. He choked hard and grabbed his asthma spray from the nightstand, with trembling hands, inhaling deeply. “Damn…”, he coughed and stood up, left the bedroom and went downstairs into the kitchen, poured some water in a glass, took a deep sip, then walked to the guest room and knocked softly on the door “Jonna…”, he paused hesitantly, then added “Darling?”. The tattooed man entered the room and found her sitting on the floor, sobbing silently, her eyes red and swollen. “Jonna…I didn’t meant to hurt you…I’m sorry.”, he sat down next to her and took her in his arms and she hided her face in the crook of his neck, muttering “You don’t love me right?”. He closed his eyes and thought to himself ‘No I don’t.’, but kept quiet, rocking her silently until she calmed down, then lifted her up and rested her on the bed, gently stroking over her belly, smiling slightly as he felt the warmth that spread out from there “I wonder when it’s starting to move…”, he sat down next to the slim woman. “The doc said you’ll be able to notice it in a few weeks. I can already feel it sometimes.”, Jonna mumbled sleepily. “Really?”, he asked surprised and fascinated, resting his head carefully on the little bulge. “Yes…it’s weird…like something  flapping it’s wings against my skin.”, she closed her eyes, a smile on her lips, cause he had showed interest in her well-being for the first time since weeks and gently tangled her hands in his hair. “You’re careful aren’t you?”, he asked, and she could feel the vibration of his deep voice on her skin like it was used to be, when they’d still been a real couple, spending every minute they had together. She sighed at the memory and Ville crawled up her body, wrapped is arms around her, slowly he drifted over to sleep and at least tonight, his sore heart was covered with a thin comforting layer of anticipation and happiness.

-a few days later-

“Look…”, Jonna studied herself in the mirror critically. “You look pretty. I like the dress.”, Ville mumbled, glanced at her for a second, then went on searching for a shirt and some jewelry to wear this evening. They were invited to Maika’s birthday and had decided to show up, at least for a while, even if Jonna wasn’t feeling to well since the day before. “And you’re sure you’re going to be ok?”, he asked and buckled his belt. “Of course. Just a little tired…and it would help a lot not to threw up all the time.”, she muttered annoyed and brushed her hair. He giggled a little and she smiled, relieved that the mood between them had finally changed. He was still very standoffish but much more caring then before, and now she also had the feeling, that he was really looking forward for the baby. “You’ll have to go trough it, I guess. Poor girl.”, he kissed her forehead and left the room towards the kitchen, getting himself a coffee waiting for her to get ready. A newspaper was lying on the kitchen table and he thumbed trough the pages reading the headlines and every other article. He had just read an article about an Finnish poet as his eyes spotted the names of the authors, Emily Smith and Alice Beauclerque. His hands crumpled the edges of the page and the muscles in his jaw clenched. Just to make sure he glanced at the date, it was today’s newspaper. He jumped up and took his cell out of his pocket, quickly dialing Mige’s number while he paced trough the room. “Mige! Mige listen to me…she’s still here…yes! Alice. I saw that she’s written an article…in today’s newspaper. No…it’s impossible to work for that newspaper if you’re not in town. They don’t like it…and she’s written it with that other girl, Emily…. I don’t know.”, the tall man sat down on his chair again “I’ve got no clue what to do…but if she’s still here…I have to see her again. I’ll find her…no Mige…I just have to!”, he turned round as he heard Jonna coming down the stairs “I’m sorry, but I’ll see you in a few minutes, ok?”, and with that he hung up. “Are you ready?”, he asked absent mindly, not even looking at her. “Yeah…can you see my belly in this?”, she replied and turned a little, so he could see her in profile. He nodded “A little.”. “Damn it.”, she hissed trough gritted teeth and rested her hand on the bulge. Ville swallowed hard as he saw it, and he looked down on the floor to hide the expression on his face, he wasn’t willing to hurt her again by letting her know that Alice was still in Helsinki, at least she was carrying his baby. “You’re pregnant and in a few weeks you won’t be able t hide it all, so it’s better to get used to it already, I guess.”, and with that he hold out his hand and as she took it he leaded he grabbed his coat and leaded her outside.
“Hey! Maika! Happy Birthday!”, Ville hugged is best friends wife tightly and kissed her cheek. “Thank you dear.”, she smiled up at him, then hugged Jonna too, exchanging compliments and nice words with her while Ville walked away to search for Mige. “Hey…”, the singer complained surprised as somebody grabbed is upper arm and pulled him into a adjacent room. “Damn… it wasn’t possible to do it a little more dramatic was it?”, he mumbled and looked at Mige, while Linde closed the door behind him. “Linde has met Alice.”, the bassist gave back, not even bothering to answer his band mates question. “No! When…where?”, he stuttered and the man with the dreads replied “A few days ago, somewhere in the center, not far away from Tavastia.”. “Somewhere in the…and you haven’t told me? Why? Why? Damn it, Why?”, the man with the emerald eyes almost screamed out the last words and the guitarist shook him roughly “Shhh! Ville shut the fuck up! You don’t want Jonna to hear about it, do you?”. They looked up as they heard a gasp, and spotted the woman they had just talked about leaning weakly against the door frame. “Er…Jonna…how are you? Just wait a few minutes. We’re joining you girls soon ok?”, Mige said softly, looking a little shocked, just like Linde, while Ville‘s eyes were still focused on the blond man‘s face, searching for an answer, begging for an hint where to search for the girl, he was longing after so badly. The black haired woman turned round obediently and left the room again. As soon as she had closed the door behind her, Ville started again to interrogate Linde who cut him off impatiently “Ville, you bloody bastard. I hadn’t told you cause you’ve broken her heart. She told me that there’s no chance for you to get back together. We want you to realize that. And now stop acting like a love sick teenager. There’s a pregnant woman out there who needs your care! You should really take”, he was interrupted by someone shouting the singers name. “Holy fucking shit, Ville!”, it was Maika’s voice, and she sounded like she was just about to freak out. Mige stormed out of the kitchen, followed by Linde who dragged Ville with him. The tall dark haired man walked like in trance, his mind still racing about Alice. The people in the livng room had formed a semicircle, and now moved out of his sight so he was able to see Maika and Manna kneeling on the floor, next to Jonna’s limp body. “No…”, Ville made a few quick steps and sank on the floor next to the thin woman’s body “What…what’s wrong with her?”, he whispered. “We’ve got no clue…she came in here, a hand on her belly and then she groaned and fainted. Mige’s already calling an ambulance.”, Manna replied, deeply worried, concern written on her face. “Jonna…Jonna, hey…wake up…please…”, Ville pleaded, bending over her, stroking a strand of straight, black hair out of her extremely pale face. “Oh my goodness.”, Maika hissed trough gritted teeth and pointed at the woman’s thighs. Her dress had moved up as she felt, revealing a lot of her legs, and slowly a thin line of blood was running down the white skin. “The baby…oh my goodness the baby…no!”, Ville moaned desperate and the world turned into a blur to him, he barely noticed anything anymore, just felt that Mige made him walking to his car after a while and drove him to the hospital where Jonna had been taken to by some paramedics. Now he was sitting in the waiting room, with Mige, his head buried in his hands, waiting impatiently for some information about the well-being of his child. After a whole night of waiting, a young, tired looking doctor entered  the room and asked “Who’s the father?”. “Me.”, Ville looked up hopefully. “Your girlfriend is stabilized.”. “What about the baby?”, the dark haired man asked harassed. “Well…I’m so sorry…But it was already dead since at the lowest two days.”. “What…but why?”, the singer felt tears welling up in his eyes, he was totally shocked, his mind was blank. “We don’t know. It’s happening sometimes. May I offer my sincere condolences…”, the doctor gave the tall man an last compassionate look, before he went away. “Gods Ville…”, Mige rested a hand on his best friends shoulder, rubbing it sympathetically. “We don’t even know if it was a boy or a girl…”, the green eyed man whispered, before his body tensed as a thought hit him “I’m free.”. “What?”, the bassist next to him gave him an confused look, stopping his comforting strokes. “There’s no reason to stay with her…Alice…I can go back to Alice…”. “Ville! You’ve just lost your child! And all you can think off is which girl to screw next.”, the bearded man shook his head faithless. “You know it’s not like this but…Alice…she…”, the singer stood up and walked away quickly, leaving an confused Mige behind. As he was outside the hospital, he took out is cell and searched trough his phone book for Emily’s number. As he had finally found it, he dialed quickly, waiting impatiently for her to answer. “Emily…hi it’s me Ville. Don’t hang up please!”, he said quickly “I…please tell me where Alice is living at the moment…I me and Jonna…it’s over. And I need to talk to her….Please! Just tell me where her apartment is…”, his deep voice was pleading, almost begging . “Yeah…I know…that’s not far away from here…thank you so much!”, and with that he hung up, quickly running down the streets. After a few blocks he stopped, leaning against a brick wall, taking his asthma spray, caught his breath and then started running again. Thoughts raced trough his head, hope welled up inside of his heart, and even a little joy, though the child he had looked forward to so much was dead, and so his life was broken in bits and pieces at the moment, but he was willing to fix it again. The first step was to get Alice back, making her his girlfriend again. He didn’t doubted one second that it was possible, cause his love hadn’t fainted the slightest bit and he was convinced that she felt the same. After a while he stopped in front of a grey apartment building, opening the door impatiently. He walked to the second floor, and rung the door bell of an apartment on the left. “Go away.”, a voice sounded from the inside, barely audible, but cold and without emotions. He cursed to himself, obviously he hadn’t been fast enough and Emily had already warned her. “Alice please…I have to tell you something. Open the door!”, he demanded and really, the door was opened slowly and trough a small gap, he spotted a pair of strange colored eyes, blue and golden. “Alice…”, he breathed and reached out to open the door more, pressing against the wooden plank until he could saw her small body, standing in the hallway. Sadness and guilt overwhelmed him as he saw how worn out she looked, so thin, pale and sick. “What do you want?”, she muttered, avoiding to look in his emerald eyes. “Look at me…”, he mumbled, and reached out to raise her chin with his hand but she moved back. “Go away, Ville. Leave me alone. I don‘t want to talk to you anymore.”. “But you’re doing it nevertheless. Alice…I…I love you. More then life. You’re my heart, my soul mate…the one I dream about at night. I want you back…”, his voice broke, and for a few seconds, which seemed like hours to the dark-haired man, it was completely silent. Now she looked up and his heart cringed, as he looked into her eyes. The former sparkling, beautiful eyes, full of live and affection were now empty and dull and he realized, that the so sweet and innocent looking blonde in front of him was broken, because of him “What about Jonna?”. Her voice broke the silence “What about the baby?”.  “I don’t love Jonna…I never did compared to you and…there is no baby anymore…”, he whispered, still totally focused on her eyes. “There is no baby anymore?”, she hissed “And then you thought you could come back to me and everything would be fine? After you cheated on me and broke my heart?”, she took a deep breath then went on “Fuck you Ville. There’s no way for us to get back together. You just messed up too bad.”. “But…”, he choked and tears were welling up his eyes “…you still love me right?”. “Of course I do. How couldn’t I? I loved you from the first moment I saw you but…I can’t stand to be with you anymore. It’s tearing me apart. And now go please…”, her last words were barely audible and she faltered slightly. He wanted to reach out for her, keep her up but was frozen. He could tell from her face she really felt what she had said and now the tears started streaming down his face. “But…Alice no…I can’t live without you anymore I…please…”, he pleaded softly, but she just shook her head and sank down on the floor weakly, starting to sob “You have to…I’m sure you can…and now leave…”, deep inside she didn’t want him to go, but she knew there was no way for her to handle is presence. Not at the moment, not tomorrow, never again, even if her life would be over then too, cause not being with him would kill her just in the same way as loving him, a little more with every single day. He stumbled backwards, feeling a pain inside of him, he had never experienced before, so heavy and rough. He turned round and ran towards the water tower, just ran, away from her, away from the woman he loved so much but wouldn’t be able to be with, ever again. He unlocked the door impatiently and ran to the bathroom, getting rid of his coat while doing so. He opened the small cabinet and took out a shiny, silvery simmering razorblade together with a box of pills. The he headed towards the kitchen, took a bottle of whisky out of the fridge and got himself a glass. His mind was blank, he wasn’t obvious of what he was doing, he just knew that it felt right. He poured some whisky in the glass and took a deep sip, then took of his fingerless gloves and ran the shiny razorblade over his left ring finger, cutting deep into the white flesh, ruin the delicate J that was tattooed there, and together with getting rid of her initial, he felt like getting rid of Jonna. He stopped as the pain got unbearable and his whole hand was covered with blood, streaming down from his finger. He poured more whisky into the glass and opened the box of pain killers now. Automatically he took on his mouth and swallowed it together with some whisky, then another one, and another one… In his head he counted the amount of pills he choked down ‘Thirteen… fourteen…fifteen…”. It got harder with every single one, his mouth got dry and he drank more whisky, slowly feeling the toxic working making him dizzy. After the twentieth pill he hardly able to choke them down anymore but nevertheless went on until the box was empty. He drank another glass, the bottle was almost empty, his body got limp and the glass dropped on the floor, shattering in pieces. He watched how it fell, so slowly and how it broke. He smiled to himself before he fell on the floor, hitting the ground hard, feeling broken glass under his cheek and the last thing he thought of before he finally fainted was the day he had spent with Alice in the cabin, when he had sang to her, the petite girl looking up at him, her eyes sparkling with love, her hair shining red in the warm light from the fire place “In Joy and Sorrow my Home’s in your arms…”.

-two days later-

“Alice!”, Emily entered the editorial office in the late evening where her colleague was still working on an article, holding a few sheets in her hands. “Emily?”, Alice mumbled, looking tired and exhausted, being on the verge of tears all the time since Ville had visited her. “I…gods…I’ve got no clue how to tell you but…Ville…he…”, she placed the sheets on the desk, waiting for Alice to see what was on them. “What is that? Emily…I’m not in the mood for gossip and stuff…”, she stopped and her eyes grew wide as she read the headline of the article “No…he isn’t.”, she shook her head faithlessly. “I’m so sorry…he did it the day before yesterday…he took more then 40 pain killers together with a bottle of whisky and…Alice honey…”, she looked shocked as said girl started to scream in desperation, her hands shaking, tears streaming down her face “No…it can’t be…he…I can’t…why…oh my goodness why?”. Emily sympathetically rubbed her friends shivering back, and gave her a confused look as she stood up quickly and stormed out of the door. “Alice…no wait!”, the black-hared girl shook her head sadly, deciding that it might be better to leave her alone, so she could figure out what she was feeling now and at least Ville and Alice had been separated for a while already….
Meanwhile Alice ran trough the cold, dark streets towards her apartment, she opened the door and sat down on the edge of the bed, still tears streaming down her face. Her heart cringed and she couldn’t believe how deep the pain was that overwhelmed her as she realized that he was gone. Forever. They weren’t just separated by a few streets now and not together anymore, now she wasn’t even able to see him incidentally again, listening to his voice in interviews, she sobbed at the thought. ‘My life’s over. He’s dead and it’s my fault.’, she wiped away the tears from her cheeks and made a decision. She had lost the most wonderful person on earth, would never see his smile again or look into his green eyes, never. There wasn’t the slightest chance, and it was too much for her to take. She opened her closet and took out the ivory laced dress she had worn the evening he had introduced her to the world as his girlfriend. Then she combed her hair carefully, letting it hanging loosely around her shoulders and placed the locket he had given to her around her neck, reading the engraving “…my home‘s in your arms.”. She decided against applying make-up instead she grabbed her coat and left the apartment, walking towards the end of the town, where the beach was. She took of her shoes and felt the wet, cold sand under her bare feet, the ivory fabric dragging over the ground as she walked towards the water. The almost full moon shone brightly, enlightening the dark sky. Icy cold water was swashing over Alice’s feet, but she didn’t flinch back. Instead she made a few more steps until it went up to her knees, to her hips and then to her shoulders. It took her breath away, but she walked steadily, her hair got wet as the water overwhelmed her. She hold her breath and closed her blue and golden eyes to protect them from the salty water, she made another step and almost choked, wanting nothing more then to breathe, and did it. A little water was filling her lunge. It wasn’t enough to suffocate her, but she felt dizzy and opened her eyes, neither feeling the cold of the water on her skin, nor the burning in her eyes. She saw a blinding light, so bright and warm and saw someone appearing in it, a tall, dark shadow at first, but soon she recognized who it was. The tall body, the way he tilted his head and hold out his arms, wanting nothing more then to embrace her. A warmth filled her from the inside, spread out from her heart, and nothing counted anymore as she made a step in the direction of the slender figure, smiled and took a deep breath.